I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
