On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We named our party play list daddy issues
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's never too late to be topless.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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