if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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