Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
