Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
