I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
