how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
