Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
