He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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