hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
