omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
