dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
