escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
