okay pat passed out under dana's car
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
