look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
