We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
