guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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