Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
