is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
