Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
