We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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