is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
