There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
