Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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