my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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