the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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