did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
