a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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