We named our party play list daddy issues
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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