One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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