Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
