This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
