can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize