If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
