I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
