I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
