let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
