nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
her vagine was all disorganized.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
