I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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