I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
