i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
