my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
