Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am available for nakedness
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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