If that was your dad, he is hot
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Randomize
