I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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