He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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