my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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