even my farts smell like vagina
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
