Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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