And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
