i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think your dad took our porno
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
