We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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