Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
