Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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