Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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