just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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