k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
