he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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