i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
