Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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