thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
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So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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