I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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