Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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