Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom