Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night