hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
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High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake