at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
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I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.