I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.