It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
