Define "chronic" masturbator.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
