I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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